The struggle of the anointed without grace

Searching through the recent pages of my life now
Viewing all the things that declare your love and faithfulness to me all year round
Wondering how and when I let your grace  slip
How I became a walking corpse, spiritually asleep.

How do I get back to myself
To the me that was selfless
Loving others as I do myself
Releasing these pains that are needless?

Whatever happened to those changes that were erected
When by your sweet Spirit, I was directed?
Worse now that I find your word like a bone so hard to bite in
as I ache for the manifestations of your anointing.

Now I’m struggling to keep away from sin;
My flesh wanting to take the lead cause of my dilenma, it got a hint
Keeping me weak, making me sick
And off course far from meek.

Even worse is the eager expectation of the world
Expecting my manifestation as a true son (how do I cope?)
Cause my birth into this new life was witnessed by all
The wicked pretending to cheer me on while spoiling to see my fall

Now with my knees trembling and my feet just about to slip
I pray to find myself lost in your mercy and GRACE, taking a long dip
To find myself forever in your presence
Knowing I won’t make it a second in your absence.